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Many couples therapists, especially newer ones, adopt a no secrets policy. This makes a lot of sense. For one, it's counterintuitive to keep an affair secret when working with a couple to build connection and safety. There is also the practical reality that holding a secret. It adds another layer to manage when couples therapy is already complex. You are tracking two people, their interactional pattern, their individual experiences, the alliance with each partner, the goal

When I first started working with couples, I believed my job was to help repair the relationship. We go to a doctor to feel better and get healthier, why wouldn’t my role as a couples therapist be to “fix” the relationship? It seemed logical. This is a common belief among newer therapists. Aspiring couples therapists want to help couples to communicate better, feel more connected, understand each other, heal old wounds and, ultimately, leave therapy with a stronger relatio